Out with the Old

I guess things started to go down hill about six years back when we lent our house to a fundamentally Christian family from Frankfurt. (As you do.) They had five kids, who must have spent the holiday tearing around our house. They left chocolate bar wrappers in the attic. They broke the plastic casings in the car. They made an open fire in the grate and left little melted spots on our living room carpet. Most importantly, they wrecked one of the rings on the cooker.

We forgave them, of course, though a note to say "Thanks for letting us use your house" would have been nice. We never heard from them again. Maybe they were ashamed. I bought a rug to cover up the burn marks on the carpet, but the cooker was never the same again. Turning the ring on caused the electric in the house to trip so we learnt to cook with just three rings.

Oddly enough, Mum thought this was dangerous. Mum is funny like that. When a second ring started fusing the electric a couple of months ago, Mum made distressed noises and indicated that the money I was getting for Christmas was to be spent on a new cooker.

I took advantage of the Sales and ordered a posh double oven affair with a gloriously flat surface for easy cleaning. Our old cooker, however, must have got wind of the plan because last night it decided to kick off in a last final gesture of defiance.

Whilst cooking its final supper, the back ring caught fire. Nick, with a slightly warped quick thinking reflex, chucked his cup of tea over it, leaving the cooker wet and smelly and Nick with black soot up his T-shirt.

Not a moment too soon, the new cooker arrived today. I unhooked the old cooker, which was surprisingly easy, and hooked up the new one, which was damn awkward. I swear cooker companies must be in league with electricians. What possesses a cooker manufacturer to make attaching three wires so difficult? I don't know. There really is no need to position the access so only highly trained contortionists can get to the pins.

Anyway, I did it, and nothing went BANG when I turned the 'leccy back on, so I guess my yogic squatting, sparky skills did the trick.