Geographical details

I took the dog for his morning walk in the forest today. I promised myself I would keep walking until I had clearly decided what I was going to achieve today. All too easily, the day disappears in a blur of taking the kids to school, checking e-mails and cooking something for dinner. I wanted to be sure that I didn't waste the day messing about on the internet.

Hmm, what to do? Since I gave up my job, I have slowed down considerably. It's got to be good for my health. I was heading for an early grave. The teaching supply agency offered me full time work until Christmas, but at a school well over an hour away by car. I don't want full time and I don't want to travel, so I turned it down.

Actually, I sent them a list of where I would work, as I thought they were quite ridiculous to suggest such a distance, and they don't seem to know where my rural village is.

So, there I was in the middle of the forest, slightly muddy and missing the dog, who had raced off after some local wildlife, when my phone rang. It was the agency. Please could I go and work for a half day in Hereford? Well, Hereford is an hour away, but I agreed. I want to buy the kids some winter coats, so the cash would come in handy.

It was quarter to ten and they wanted me there for 11.20. That gave me half an hour to get home, get changed, find out where the school is, print a map, make sandwiches and get back in the car. Oh, and find the dog, who was nowhere to be seen. I told the agency to e-mail the details to me.

I rang Mum to come and wait for the dog to make his way back to the car park, and arranged for her to pick up the kids from school. The dog turned up, just as I was driving away, so I had to call Mum and change the arrangements again. Back home, the agency called as I got in through the door. Could I fill in a form online before leaving? Erm, well, it'll be a little tight for time, but I'll try.

I logged on and looked up which school wanted supply. Uh oh. The agency had got it completely wrong. They said Hereford - in fact the school was 20 minutes drive the other side of Hereford. Fill in a form? I didn't have time to scratch my bum!

Nick had left his sandwiches behind by accident this morning, so I grabbed those and leapt into the car. It took me 1 hour and 10 minutes to get to the school. I signed in and walked directly into teaching a Y8 Maths lesson without drawing breath. Fortunately it is a nice school, with mostly good kids, and I enjoyed teaching them algebra.

Next up was an ICT lesson. Not bad. There were some entertaining kids in there, who made me laugh. A couple of the boys (teenage boys are all the same) managed to find a link to the Daily Star Page 3 girl. She was wearing frilly knickers and not much else. Erm, shouldn't you be looking at a web-site on recycling?? (I mentioned to the ICT administrator later, that maybe they might like to put a block on that particular web-link!).

Lunch time! Yeah! Cheese and salad sandwiches... oh no! Nick has made himself cheese, salad and ketchup sandwiches. What?? Who puts ketchup with cheese? Eeew. So, there I was surrounded by all these smart professionals. I look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, thanks to the rush of getting out of the house. I've just had to deal with soft porn and now I'm trying to look like I'm not freaked out by eccentric sandwiches. Joy!

One last lesson to go. I took the register, then back into Maths. The group was noisy and it was the end of the day. I confiscated a rubber band, which was being used as a make-shift weapon. The child in question then asked straight out if I had another one he could have. Erm, no. Pinging your friend is not a learning enhancement option.

I let them out, leaving the room looking like a herd of wildebeest had trampled across it, and headed home. As I was leaving, the cover co-ordinator said I'd been complimented on how calm my classes were. Ha! If only they knew...